While listening to an old radio broadcast, I was hit smack-dab in the face with something. And that is the "Martyr Mom" attitude.
Growing up as a little girl, I knew what I wanted to do in my life (besides work at the small Country Store on the corner in Chester) and that was to be a mommy! I couldn't wait to have a baby of my own. I even went so far as to construct a husband made out of a broomstick, complete with a crayon-drawn paper face. I then stuffed a basketball up my little shirt so I could be "pregnant". Once I had that precious Cabbage Patch baby, I pretended to give it pills to make it stay small forever. Not kidding... It was my way to make playing house more "realistic", because what kind of baby stays the same size forever? Right?
Oddly enough, I gave birth to a baby, not much (if at all) bigger than one of those Cabbage Patch dolls. He is sweet, lovable, happy, and an absolute miracle! Sadly, I find myself coming home at the end of my long days at work and I kick into martyr mode.
I seem to fall into the trap of thinking that if hubby sees me cleaning, doing endless piles of laundry, taking the late-night feeding shift, and keeping myself in a semi-attractive state, that I should receive a shiny gold star! Some of you feel like that too, I have heard it before. The attitude of "I did this, now you have to do that for me". How exhausting! Where is the team-work? Doesn't that kind of sap all of the happiness out of being a parent?
Well, I found the "me-focused" words coming out of my mouth the other day! Eeek...hold the phone! Not me! Did I JUST say that? Truth be told, I have thought those words more times than I have said them.
Do I want to be the martyr mom who grumbles around the house, complaining about all of the things I have done for my family? Do I want to just "get through" life, not stopping to enjoy the precious times with my two handsome guys? No, absolutely not. It is a choice that I, as a mother have to make. I have to decide each day, if I will do all of the mommy tasks with a thankful heart, or a grumbling heart.
After longing for all of my life for a little baby to call my own, I want to be fully present! I want to enjoy each moment. After all, he is a gift. Something I so desperately wanted!
So will my bed get made everyday? Mmmm...probably not, but I will do my best to make my home a happy one.
By the way, I have found that by leaving the TV off, I have more time to spend with my family AND I can stay on top of the cleaning tasks each day! What a revelation.