Adjustment periods

It has been almost 2 months since miss Britton Harper joined our family of 3, and turned our world upside down in the BEST way possible. Who would have thought that one little person could be such a perfect fit in the lives of 3 others?

She arrived as planned, on December 29th, at 9:10am - screaming her way into this world. I prayed that we would be able to hear her cry when she arrived, and MAN were my prayers answered! She may have a career as a Drill Sergeant - so far she is calling the shots around this house. When she was born, I knew I had again fallen hopelessly in love with another sweet babe. I had my doubts when I was pregnant that my love for another could be matched with the love I have for Gavin. A crazy phenomenon happens when you have two kids - your love multiplies. It isn't divided among the two - it is different for each little one.

I'll be honest, my heart was stretched in a million directions on those first days. Healing from my c-section, trying to make my way through the mental fog, and not being able to have my sunshine boy with me. It wasn't easy. Gavin was full of hugs for Britton, but was a little leery of mommy being in a hospital bed. One of the last days we were there he came to visit with my parents, and I was finally able to give him a hug and walk with him - it wasn't as I expected it to be. He had seemed to have grown an extra 5 inches, gained 10 pounds, and aged 3 years. His jealousy seemed to be kicking in, and my heart immediately broke. It wasn't that he was acting out horribly, he was just not himself. After he left I wondered if life at home could be bearable, if I could connect with him again after this bond with Britton had begun. I took to texting a few dear friends who had added to their brood recently, and found encouragement that we were going to make it, that it was normal, and that it would all be okay.

Adjustment periods.

They take time - they are needed. I wanted it to be easy, seamless. I wanted to be the family that finally figured out how to throw a babe into the mix and not have a crazy shift in roles happen. Truth is, I became a mama of two. Gavin became a brother. Jason became a daddy to his daughter. So yes - we needed to adjust a lot.

I am happy to report that Gavin is doing great! There were a couple of weeks that were part three-year-old "normal" attitude issues, and part adjusting to a sister changing up his normal day. Thankfully he LOVES his sweet sister to pieces - at times I have to remind him that she is still too tiny to defend herself from the monstrous hugs he gives her.

Stay tuned for my personal tips on ways to help the adjustment period "sting" a little less.

Second time around

Many have asked if this blog has ended. The short answer is NO!

Funnily, I have started many entries, and they just don't come together like I want. So whether this one comes together, or not---it is getting posted! (my apologies in advance)



Some of you know that we are expecting our second baby the end of this year! What an exciting time this has been, and also full of more emotions than I could have expected. I have had plenty of pregnancy symptoms - which came as a surprise because Gavin's pregnancy was fairly calm in the first 20 weeks. It was after those first 20 weeks that it all started to fall to pieces. The numbness in my heart turned to fear, and out of that fear I found my faith more deeply than ever.

Thankfully God didn't leave me in that fear. As we approach 20 weeks I can't help but look back at the life that God gave us. Not just Gavin's - but Jason & my life together. We have grown, learned, clung to hope, and drawn closer together as a family. We have leaned so hard on our faith that it seemed the well would run dry. Praise the Lord, our story is not done, the little one kicking me from the inside is proof of that.

This week we were on vacation with Jason's family and it was such a wonderful time away. Before others would wake, I found myself on the front porch facing the rising sun and lake shore. Bible in hand, I dug into the Word. Deeply yearning to find my Savior in those moments. He didn't disappoint, I found him there, I found him in the calm of the morning. I found him in the rocking boat. I found him in the laughter of cousins playing while sandcastles were built. He was, and always is there - if only I was constantly on the look-out for Him.

The morning of August 24th is the awaited ultrasound, and with little hesitation I say that "It is well, with my soul". It isn't that I fear any issues that arise - for God has proven Himself more than faithful. My first pregnancy I found myself awake at 3:00 am, Googling answers to the unknown. This time around, I can truly say "It is well".

One earnest concern I had when we started considering adding another life to our family, was Gavin. I feared that people would question why we would even "risk" having another. And while there have been a few of those questions presented to us, it hasn't been as bad as I anticipated. My mama heart fears that Gavin will think he was a burden that we had to carry. Oh my son - you are the joy in my heart - the big reason I can say that "it is well", is because God showed himself faithful in YOU. Not just the medical road you have bravely traveled, but the way your heart is so in-tune with others. Your concern for others at such a young age boggles my mind, and warms my heart. While the road has not always been easy, I would travel it again, and again, and again to be with you.

I will leave you with a song that has become my heart cry:
"So let go, my soul - and Trust in HIM the waves and wind still know His name. IT IS WELL, WITH MY SOUL".