False Connections

Facebook.
Instagram.
Pinterest.
Gmail.
Blogger.

We all use them, and probably have 100+ "friends" who follow our every move, causing them to feel connected. We see posts of friends, and feel a connection - but how connected are we?

Really...honestly.

As these past 8 weeks of maternity leave come to a close, I have to admit that I have been consumed with the above forums. I used it at first to entertain me while I would breastfeed, or to escape from the "mundane life" I was living - which is all but mundane. But what I didn't realize was that I was becoming more and more closed off because of these False Connections.

They give you a sense of secure insecurity. Am I even making sense?

I see the perfectly posed mamas with their hair done & clearly showered, wearing CLOTHES - not sweatpants/t-shirt clothes, but ACTUAL clothes...the kind you would wear to face the outside world.
I see my frumpy attire.

I see perfectly planned out days, and realize that Gavin spent more time than I would like watching a movie - so I could feed Britton and help him be entertained at the same time.

My eyes behold couples on their date nights, and I realize how consumed our lives have become with these two beautiful lives filling our home with joy. Not that it is wrong that we are focused on them, but I am realizing more and more that we need to find a balance - put more emphasis on our marriage.
I see my deeply treasured marriage, not being treasured.

The endless meals perfectly prepared - or HELLO - the restaurant pictures...when was the last time we went to a fancy restaurant?
I see failure.

You see where I am going?

I know exactly what my friends have been up to, but didn't hear it from their lips. It was a perfectly presented set of photos with carefully chosen words to describe their blissful state. It wasn't until recently that I realized how I missed the person-to-person interactions. I believe each person has a need for interaction that cannot take place on a tech device.

Now don't get me wrong, I am as guilty as the next person! I only post the good stuff, the well behaved children, who are eating balanced meals (laugh). The selfie with make-up & ACTUAL clothes. The "good stuff". But those picture perfect moments only make up MOMENTS.

Our life isn't picture perfect, but it is jam-packed with love, so much laughter (often at ourselves), and good intentions to make MORE days with laughter, and less moments of feeling like we missed the mark.

Second time around

Many have asked if this blog has ended. The short answer is NO!

Funnily, I have started many entries, and they just don't come together like I want. So whether this one comes together, or not---it is getting posted! (my apologies in advance)



Some of you know that we are expecting our second baby the end of this year! What an exciting time this has been, and also full of more emotions than I could have expected. I have had plenty of pregnancy symptoms - which came as a surprise because Gavin's pregnancy was fairly calm in the first 20 weeks. It was after those first 20 weeks that it all started to fall to pieces. The numbness in my heart turned to fear, and out of that fear I found my faith more deeply than ever.

Thankfully God didn't leave me in that fear. As we approach 20 weeks I can't help but look back at the life that God gave us. Not just Gavin's - but Jason & my life together. We have grown, learned, clung to hope, and drawn closer together as a family. We have leaned so hard on our faith that it seemed the well would run dry. Praise the Lord, our story is not done, the little one kicking me from the inside is proof of that.

This week we were on vacation with Jason's family and it was such a wonderful time away. Before others would wake, I found myself on the front porch facing the rising sun and lake shore. Bible in hand, I dug into the Word. Deeply yearning to find my Savior in those moments. He didn't disappoint, I found him there, I found him in the calm of the morning. I found him in the rocking boat. I found him in the laughter of cousins playing while sandcastles were built. He was, and always is there - if only I was constantly on the look-out for Him.

The morning of August 24th is the awaited ultrasound, and with little hesitation I say that "It is well, with my soul". It isn't that I fear any issues that arise - for God has proven Himself more than faithful. My first pregnancy I found myself awake at 3:00 am, Googling answers to the unknown. This time around, I can truly say "It is well".

One earnest concern I had when we started considering adding another life to our family, was Gavin. I feared that people would question why we would even "risk" having another. And while there have been a few of those questions presented to us, it hasn't been as bad as I anticipated. My mama heart fears that Gavin will think he was a burden that we had to carry. Oh my son - you are the joy in my heart - the big reason I can say that "it is well", is because God showed himself faithful in YOU. Not just the medical road you have bravely traveled, but the way your heart is so in-tune with others. Your concern for others at such a young age boggles my mind, and warms my heart. While the road has not always been easy, I would travel it again, and again, and again to be with you.

I will leave you with a song that has become my heart cry:
"So let go, my soul - and Trust in HIM the waves and wind still know His name. IT IS WELL, WITH MY SOUL".

Bitter Sweet

This weekend we get the privilege of speaking at the University of Minnesota Children's Hospital Dance Marathon. It is an amazing event, where the students at the U raise money for the hospital. Last year we went, and had a blast! A huge bonus was meeting a dear friend and her son. More on them in a later post.

I can't get over how much I have grown, and learned since Gavin came into our lives. I will surely never be the same. Lessons of love, heartache, joy, anxiety, faith, and gobs more. As I think of what to share this weekend, I spent some time reflecting on our little boy's life. It has been a crazy ride, and I am thankful for every moment - yes...even the hard stuff!

 All the "normal" moments in his first year. The milestones, the first words, and all our cuddle time. It helped my mama-heart grow and flourish.

 For moments that seemed so hard, and all we had to cling to was our Lord. Those moments taught me to trust, and have faith that Almighty God has us in His hands - always.

 Seeing life through different eyes. For most, fans and lights are a means to see in the dark. To us they are that, and so much more! I can't get over the joy that he still gets when he is near a fan. Lord, may he always keep his love for little things.

 Tests that tried our patience, and yet grew it at the same time. We are so grateful for our hospital - the University of MN - without it, I can't help but wonder where we would be.

 Nebs - oh the nebs. God must have known that I needed an abundance of cuddles. They are still my favorite time of day. We get our cuddles in the morning and at night - and a couple added times if he is sick.

 His heart radiates through his eyes. He has always been told what beautiful eyes he has, and no doubt the mile-long eyelashes help, but to me it is the sparkle in them. The fiery little soul that brings me and so many others joy.

 We have learned to find joy in times when it was hard to find. It isn't about having it all - the cars, clothes, and cash can only get you so far. At the end of the day, I'd rather have Jesus, my men, and my family than all the things this world can provide.

 I thank GOD that He saw me fit to be the mama of a boy. I always felt bad for moms of boys - the dirt, wrestling, and noise they bring. Oh how I needed that in my life! I never saw myself having a boy, and man am I glad I didn't get to write that part of my life! He is the answer to my mama-heart prayers.

As I look back I can't help but get a little emotional, wishing for a few of those moments back. As great as those days were, I am so thankful for each day the sun rises and I get to be a lone woman in my house of men.

Absent here - Present in our (crazy) Life

I'll be the first to admit that I have fallen off the blogging planet. Partly because SO much is going on that I don't even know where to begin, and partly because I don't have time to write down all that is going on.

On the home-front we have finished construction of our new garage shelving. My husband is truly talented, and I have been blown away with how much he knows about upkeep in a home. Gavin is growing (up to 18mo in shirts!), chatting up a storm, and learning how to be polite by saying "excuse me" or "nummy" as he says. A little strange when a stranger burps and Gavin says "nummy"... We are waiting for a call to schedule his spine surgery. More on that later (this is a fun non-medical post).


We have had multiple family outings to catch you all up on - and for your sake I will keep them short.

MN STATE FAIR - first time ever for Gavin and I.
Had a great time! Not yet the "yearly-dedicated-diehards", but we will go again someday.

RENAISSANCE FESTIVAL
A definite yearly event for us - Gavin LOVED it!

UNIVERSITY OF MINNESOTA 

Tailgating and game - Gavin's first for both.

Had a BLAST!

HOTELS

Gavin is forever in love with the poooooool

HOPE KIDS EVENT

Can't say enough good things about this organization.

They make it possible for families with medically complex kiddos
 to get out and go to awesome events!

PARKS

Our little dare-devil loves the slides. Over and Over...

Last but not least Gavin anxiously waited
for the phone call that his newest cousin was here.

BABY DRAKE
He's here! And they are best buddies for life!

 Can't get enough of this little face. One proud auntie!

That's it - in fast, record time.

I promise to try to keep my updates on a more regular basis. I really do love blogging - life has just got away from me.

Spring?

Spring showed up in a big way this past week. However, rumor has it that spring will be hiding for cover as we get some snow in a couple of days, but that won't stop me from sharing our adventures in the great Minnesota spring air!

There is something therapeutic about walks. I honestly don't even think about the physical benefits when I walk, although heaven knows they don't hurt. At the risk of sounding like a woodland hippie, I will spare you the "I just love being in nature" line - but really - I LOVE being out in nature. There is no building that can mimic God's creation, no sound recorded by man that can match a robin singing, and no smell quite like spring has ever been made by man (although the smells from the cows across the street leave something to be desired).

It's spring, folks - and this is why I love it:

Obsession with putting on last season's hats.

Mornings with Grandma

Cabin fever? No - just excited to be OUT OF THE HOUSE!

Isn't he handsome? Garsh...I think so! Garsh - really? Yep.

Again - the thrill of putting things on your head!
Never gets old, am I right?

Torn between the Huskers and the Bison.
OK, not torn - just has two options. GO BIG RED!

Swing, swing.

This look right here folks is why I love having a boy!
Thrill-seeker.

Happy to be out of the house!

Finally - GRASS!

Soaking up the rays. 

Fresh out of the tub.

A little extra CHEESE please!

As you can tell, we haven't done much out of the house besides walking to the park. Trying to keep Gavin healthy for his test (pH probe) on April 25th. Prayers are appreciated, for continued health and continued patience. Yesterday after a long (cold) weekend couped up in the house Gavin walked to the door and kept saying "buhbye? buhbye? buhbye?!!!!"

Hang on buddy, not too much longer and spring will return!

Health update: Gavin is doing great! We do nebulizers morning and night to help with any respiratory issues. The surgeon who repaired his TE Fistula when he was born looked at his swallow study and determined that he needs to have his esophagus dilated (stretched), so we will be heading in for that on 4/16/14. Prayers are welcome! Other than that, he is just peachy - and always ready to go "buhbye!"