He holds us.

Some days the love I feel for Gavin knocks the wind out of me.

It is still amazing to me that so much love can be given to one little person.

It is a different kind of love than Jason and I share. 

We have a love of our own.

That got me thinking. 

How much does God's love for me, outweigh the love I have for Gavin?

He knows my fears for my son. Some that are quite honestly too real and sensitive that I can't speak them.

He knows my questions, and he sees me trying to process all that life has thrown our way.

He sees the tears. He knows the aching in my heart, deeper than I even know myself. 

I have to believe that God is just as affected by the pain in our lives as we are. This includes YOUR life too! He never intends for us to have heartache or pain. He does know what we need to go through to grow in our faith, and he knows just

how much is too much.

He knows that a couple of my co-workers today had the words I needed to hear.

One sat me down in her office and helped me see all of the good that has come into our lives. That there are some people who are sitting in the hospital with their little ones for months and months and months. Without a promise of ever being discharged with them in tow.

My other co-worker sent me the words to this song:

If you have time. Listen to it. It's my prayer for the day. Lord, take me deeper than my feet could ever wander.

I never in a MILLION years saw life playing out the way that it has. But you know what? I LOVE my life. Craziness and all! 

Wherever the Lord calls me, that is where I need to go. I am confident that my Lord holds me. He wipes the tears and kisses the "owwies" of my heart. He will repair the places in my heart that hurt. Even the ones that I am not aware of.

God loves us more than we could ever love each other!

Isn't that wonderful?

For an update on Gavin's medical stuff, follow us on caringbridge here