I have found that as the years go by, the things that once filled my heart with joy, now lie covered in dust. I've found that my mind focuses more on relationships, rather than how I measure up. The world around us is crumbling faster now than ever, and I see chaos all around.
This morning, as is with every morning, the darkness lies on the earth, and all is calm. Each morning Gavin stirs, and I get the privilege of scooping him up from his warm bed, and wrapping him up in a blanket to rock and cuddle. It is those moments - they have crafted a little piece of my contentment.
Some mornings, like this one - there are extra blessings. My sunshine boy wanted extra cuddles, the sunrise was a perfect blend of bright blue sky, with ribbons of purple, orange, and pink clouds. If that wasn't enough to fill my mama-cup, a jam session ensued. Of course he had to include to his favorite worship songs. He listens and drums on his "trap set". How full can one's heart get?! To me it is a set of candles, and two glow-sticks. To him it is his most prized musical instrument. I have said it before, but I will say it again - there is something special with my sunshine boy. Something that deeply moves me. Maybe it is that we share the same love-languages? Maybe it is his deeply sensitive side - not a sissy sensitive, but a caring and sincere awareness of others. I think the biggest part is that God created him unique - not a single person on this earth has been, or will be like my Gavin.
I would be a fool to not mention one of the biggest crafters of my contentment - the man who took me, and made me his wife. He is a hard worker, and a handy man. He puts our needs before his own. I am torn between pride, and being ashamed that he is a WAY better cook than I. He makes us meals, and is always the last to sit down. He takes on extra tasks at home when I can't, and knows when I am pushing my limits. He is the wrestler extraordinaire, and can get the best laughs out of Gavin - there is nothing like their bond. He has pressed on when obsticles have faced him, and worked through situations when most would wave the white flag. And oh, his embrace - it creates contentment. The times we get to spend in conversation are my day-makers.
The giver of this contentment isn't found in these two men, it is in the one who gave them to me for this short time on earth. He has provided me with all I need - and so much more! Through Him we have experienced the highest high, and the lowest lows - but he rode those waves with us. I know there are stormy seas ahead, I know life isn't always going to be cuddles and sunrises. But I am confident that He is going to ride the waves with us. Contentment is something I have always struggled with, and something I ever expected to find. That beings said, I am FAR from achieving complete contentment, one trip into Target shows me things that I "need to have", and a look through our neighborhood shows me that we may not match up, but for now - for today - this moment, my heart is full!
